The first day of Kindergarten rolled around and I remember Mamaw walking me, hand in hand, to my first day of class. I was less than trhilled about going to school because I was entering my shy phase. I should have appreciated these days, for they were my last days of sanity.

I sat down at the desk that had my name on a huge name tag and started coloring.

I can't remember much about this time period, maybe this is because everything was about to change and there is just so much that is so fuzzy.

So where were my parents this whole time? I really wish I knew that answer. Like I said in my earlier posts, my parents darted in and out of my life for three years. They left as fast as they came.

I am assuming by now, my mom was back from Kentucky but I don't know that for sure. I don't have any memories of her during this time period. I have a lot of cards and letters though. But cards are just apologies for not being there.

I have one memory of my dad showing up and taking me and my sister to Chuck E Cheese, though it was not called that then. We did that a few times. Other than that, I don't know where he was living. I guess he was still in East Texas while we were in Dallas. Mamaw told me later on in life that they had problems with him leaving us home alone while he was working with no one to watch us but a roomate he had....some man my grandparents had never met. I guess thats why all visits had to be in Dallas.

On the other hand, if my mom came to visit (though I don't remember it) it was the same story but for other reasons. A family court judge had ordered her not to take us to her parents house. I was told when I was older that my mom's dad had sexually abused her when she was younger and they didnt want that to happen to us. No wonder my mom was always on the run.

I was severely protected as a child because there were so many rules. But one thing about rules is that someone always breaks them and then more rules have to be added. I don't know if anything illegal ever happened to me at that age and I guess I never will know.

If I find that out, there will be several words added to this book.

I know that a lot of you are going to question my mental state after this one, but this is my story and I am sticking to it:

So it's Christmas Eve 1989 and I am five years old. Mamaw and PaHoney sent us to bed at our usual 8pm so that we were "fast asleep when Santa arrived." We put out our cookies and the carrot for Rudolph and went to bed. This probably looked like an image from a story book as my sister and I were dressed in (matching) red flannel nightgowns with matching red caps, our curls hanging out from underneath.

We went to bed and fell asleep instantly because we were convinced that Santa does not show up unless we are sleeping. About halfway through the night, I woke up curious to see if Santa had left our gifts yet. I snuck out of bed, opened the door, and wondered down the hallway. I looked under the tree and saw a lot of stuff, though I couldn't exactly make out what was sitting there. I smiled and quickly turned around to run back to bed.

That's when I bumped into Santa Clause!

No, seriously, I bumped into Santa. I know it was him. I was so afraid that all I could muster out was an "excuse me" and ran. I told my sister who totally believed me, though no one else did.

To this day, Mamaw tells me I ran into a coat hanger that night but I know she is wrong. I saw Santa Clause.

I am one of the fortunate kids who have a birthday that falls early in the school year; mine is in September to be exact. So the months following the aforementioned T-ball season gave way to a new school year and time for pre-school.

Now I know a lot of kids don't go to pre-school. However, my grandparents valued our education so Mamaw enrolled me in a private school and billed the tuition to my father, though I'm not sure he ever coughed up the funds.

I remember Mamaw getting me ready one night telling me that I was going to Pre-School the next day. I completely misunderstood what she was saying and got the idea that I was going to "pretty school".

So I walked around thinking I was going to school because I was pretty and all of my classmates would be other girls that were the same. I walked in class that first day and saw one thing that totally contradicted my idea: Boys.

Hmmmm.....maybe I had misunderstood the concept of this school. My teacher handed us same papers that we needed to take home for our parents to look at. On the top I read "Ms. Elam's Pre-School Class". At this age, I could already read so that's when I figured out that I was in regular school.

I started playing T-Ball when I was four years old with a church team. I don't know if I was any good because at that age, everyone got to play a lot!

One day I was up to bat and I hit the ball really far. I took off running. On the other team, there was a boy that I thought was really cute. He played second base. I remember running and when I got there, I stopped and started smiling at him. He just kind of looked at me like I was crazy. I guess all boys are grossed out by girls at that age no matter how cute we are. I heard Mamaw in the stands hollering "Run!!". Everyone was cheering me on to keep going because the other team still had not retrieved the ball.

I came to my senses and took off and made it home, a home run! I think if that boy had smiled at me too, it would have been better.

I don't remember that boy's name though he went to my church as well. I just know that whenever I recall my first crush, I remember that moment on the t-ball field. But, I think I fell in love everyday after that for a while. :)